Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Busy doing nothing.

For the last several weeks I feel like I've been 'going' constantly, but when I look back, I feel like I haven't accomplished anything! I suppose this is part of the season I'm in right now with little ones at home. I can spend a whole morning doing nothing but making chocolate milk, nursing the baby, picking up toys, carrying the baby, finding requested cartoons, rescuing puzzle pieces and barbie shoes from the baby, searching for a nukey, setting up the baby gate, moving the baby gate for the big girl, resetting up the baby gate, refilling milk cups, saying no to requests for candy, fishing pieces of soggy paper out of the baby's mouth, wiping snot, changing diapers..... and then, realize it's lunchtime, my kindergartner is home, it's time to feed them, and I still haven't even gotten dressed! Most days I'm tired by noon, and have nothing to show for my exhaustion.
I think that's why I like 'projects', because I can focus my attention on one, visually satisfying task while feeling justified that there's still dirty dishes on the counter and mounds of laundry to be folded.
To be honest, I have actually accomplished things in the last couple weeks that I'm very pleased with, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed by what still needs to be done, that I'd like to just curl up and cry.
And, to wrap up the whining, I didn't intend to be a Negative Nancy.... These were just the things floating around in my head as I have been being challenged by my desire to be more intentional with my days. At church, we've been challenged to 'do the hard thing' and press in to find out what that particular thing is for us right now. And, that's one of the two things I've felt the Lord calling me to in this season - to be more intentional. And as I've been contemplating this idea, I'm having to realize that being 'intentional' isn't quite what I originally thought. My first thought was that I need to be more organized and use my time better, in turn, getting more accomplished. An overwhelming thought, yet exciting at the same time, because I desperately desire to be more organized. But as I pressed in to the father's heart on this matter, I'm realizing that being 'intentional' has very little to do with time management. It has everything to do with seizing moments. Recognizing teachable moments for my children and myself. Discovering new truths about God in my everyday tasks. Learning more about who my kids are and what their hearts look like, and how I can encourage them in who They Are, and not just what I want them to be. And, to me this is a hard thing right now. I tend to so easily get caught up in what needs to be done - homework, cleaning, laundry, etc.
But I'm praying for new ears, to hear what's on my girls' hearts, new eyes to see their giftings, and a new filter on my mouth, to encourage more and scold less. So, my 'hard thing' may not be an amazing evangelical effort, or discovering new witnessing opportunities, but in my way, it's changing the future by shaping these little women, and I pray for much grace in doing it to the best of my ability.


Laura said...

wow- this really makes me think you and Jess DO share a brain :)

Jessi said...

Too, too crazy I tell ya!! Seriously...how amazing is that.